I grew up in the Laestadian Lutheran Church where it is taught that their ministers are the mouthpiece of God. I believed this without much question for 26 years, until the day I heard a little voice inside of me say that something isn't right. I loved my community and the way I had grown up, aside from the guidelines we were expected to live by, and I didn't want to leave but I also wanted to be sure I had the Truth. There was a hole in my soul I had been trying to fill for years but it remained empty. I began to read the Bible on my own for the first time, at the age of 26, and it changed my life. It changed my perspective on certain Bible stories and filled my mind with many questions about LLC doctrine. These are some of the things I learned.

In each church, there are Bible stories that are read and interpreted from the pulpit through the lens of the church's core doctrine. I didn't question doctrine or the way Bible stories were taught when I was a child but as I grew older and began to think for myself, I had questions and doubts. In the LLC, we were taught to get doubts (about the church or its doctrine) "taken care of" by asking another member for the "gospel" so we wouldn't lose our faith. For those who don't know, the gospel is the phrase, "you can believe all of your sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood." This is the same way you receive forgiveness for your sins. I would often ignore the questions that would surface in my mind and ask to hear the gospel from another brother or sister in faith to ease my mind but that didn't make the questions go away. I couldn't find solid spiritual ground and over time, the doubts grew. It wasn't long before I was intentionally questioning LLC doctrine. Are my sins really forgiven when I ask another member of the church to hear the gospel? Is the world really as bad and dangerous as they say? Is it true that anyone outside the church is a danger to my faith because they don't believe the same as me and might make me question my faith or tempt me to sin? I had met countless beautiful people, even Christians, outside of the church throughout my 26 years on earth. Are those people really going to hell just because they aren't a member of our church? Do all other churches really have a dead faith? Are we truly the only ones who would be saved? If I left the church, would I actually be leaving God? I'm sure you can imagine how scary this must have been because it was considered dangerous to ask these kinds of questions and to seek the answers on my own. I should just simply believe what I heard the ministers preach. But I couldn't stop the doubts and these and many other questions seemed to swirl through my mind endlessly. My soul craved peace.

One day, I decided to start reading the Bible. I would pray and ask God to lead me to a verse and then I would ponder that verse. I was often dumbfounded as I would read something I had never heard from the pulpit or that contradicted what I believed as a member of the LLC. But they preached from the Bible, so how could this be? I was confused to say the least and I asked God to show me the Truth. His Truth, regardless of whether it aligned with the LLC or not. I learned a lot in those months and the more I learned, the less I believed in the church and the more I believed in Jesus Christ and the great sacrifice He had made for all of mankind. I had often hard about Jesus in church but the magnitude of His sacrifice for my sins, and the sins of the world, didn't hit me until I read God's word for myself. I don't know if I ever truly believed in Jesus Christ as a member of the LLC, which is actually what saves us and may have been the gaping hole I felt in my soul. I had tried to fill it with everything from moving from place to place, to the New Age, to self-help and healing from trauma. None of that soothed the ache I carried with me, until the moment I learned the gospel as it is preached by Jesus Himself. In that moment, I knew I had encountered the pure, powerful, and unconditional love of Jesus. I could be free from my sins because He had died for me. It wasn't someone else preaching my sins forgiven that saved me but believing in Jesus Christ and choosing to give up my life to follow Him that finally brought complete peace to my soul. Now, I want everyone to experience that love and peace and to know the Truth.

Below, I will share some of the Bible stories and beliefs that changed for me as I studied God's word.

1. Saul was converted by hearing the LLC gospel. The story of Saul becoming Paul is a very well-known story of conversion. It appears a miracle - a hard-hearted man who spent his life persecuting and doing evil to the Jews becoming one of the greatest apostles of Jesus Christ. In the LLC, it is believed that Saul received the forgiveness of his sins, or the LLC's version of the "gospel," from Ananias himself rather than being forgiven by accepting Jesus and being baptized. When I read the story without the influence of ministers or the church, I was deeply touched by the power God has to use His people in order to help others come to Him. As well as the miraculous way he can transform the hardest of hearts into one that loves God and others. The story of Saul's conversion hadn't meant much to me before that, it was just another instance where someone received the gospel and believed that their sins were forgiven, which was all we needed to get to heaven. The story of Saul's conversion is told in Acts 9 in this way: Up until the point of his conversion, Saul had been persecuting the Jews for following Jesus Christ. One day, he was walking on the road to Damascus when a bright light shone down around him from heaven and struck him blind. Saul heard a voice say. "Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?" Acts 9:4 Trembling and astonished, he asks who is speaking. Jesus tells him it is Him, the one whom Saul had been persecuting. Saul asks what he should do and he is told to go to into the city and from there, he will be led. He follows the instructions and goes into the city where he remains blind for three days, not eating or drinking. There is a disciple in Damascus, the city where he was, named Ananias who is then visited by Jesus. Ananias is told to go inquire for Saul because Jesus had also sent a vision to Saul of Ananias visiting him, putting his hands on him to restore his sight. Ananias tries to argue with Jesus saying that Saul has done evil to the saints in Jerusalem and also has the authority to bind any who call on the name of Jesus. He didn't know Jesus was calling Saul, who would soon preach the gospel to the Gentiles, kings, and children of Israel. Ananias obeys Christ and goes to find Saul, laying his hands on him, and telling him that the Lord, who had appeared to him, sent him there. " 17 And Ananias went his way, and entered into the house; and putting his hands on him said, Brother Saul, the Lord, even Jesus, that appeared unto thee in the way as thou camest, hath sent me, that thou mightest receive thy sight, and be filled with the Holy Ghost. 18 And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized." Acts 9:17-18 Saul was then baptized and given the new name of Paul. If he had been converted by the church's gospel, hearing "you can believe all of your sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood," that would have been described in the story. And not only described but using those specific words. Rather, he was changed by his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus, where he learned that Jesus is in fact the Son of God. And after that moment, he believed in Christ and was baptized by Ananias, which saved him. This is how the story is told in the Bible and the way I view it now, rather than seeing it through the lens of Laestadianism.
   

2. The LLC is the only church with a "living faith" and all other churches have a "dead faith." I have vivid memories of being in elementary school and telling other students they are going to hell because they don't attend my church. I am obviously not okay with telling others that now but at the time, I believed it was true. It didn't matter if they were devout Christians or had been baptized, they weren't a member of the LLC so they had a dead faith and wouldn't truly be saved. Only those who had received the "gospel" from a member of the LLC would be saved on Judgement Day. The Bible is very clear on what it means for someone to have a dead faith and also how you can know if someone has a living faith. Living faith has fruits and results in a changed heart and mind that inspires action to live a more righteous life, giving to and serving God and others. Dead faith does not motivate us to change and usually involves a doctrine that requires following a set of rules to be saved. By rules, I do not mean the Ten Commandments or the sin that is listed in the Bible, rather non-biblical sets of rules that are requirements to obtain salvation. James writes, " 14 What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, 16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? 17 Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone." James 2:14-17 We need to believe in Jesus Christ in order to be saved but if we do not have "works," referring to loving God above all else, loving our neighbor (including providing them with basic needs and serving others), and living a righteous life, we have a dead faith. A living faith changes the lives, hearts, and minds of those who believe because they are born again and made a new creation in the image of God. As a result, we naturally strive to live as Jesus lived and love others, regardless of their race, nationality, or life choices. Salvation is by grace alone but it is demonstrated through our works. Talking about God and being religious without action will result in a dead faith. Our fruits are another sign of us having a living faith. " 20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast out devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? 23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." Matthew 7:20-23 The people who are not members of the LLC but believe in Jesus Christ, have the fruits of the Spirit, and live a righteous life have a living faith, according to the standards written in the Bible. A living faith has good fruits and we cannot say someone has a dead faith based off of them not being a member of a specific church. " 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23 If someone is a believer (Christian) and has these fruits of the Spirit, do they not have a living faith? On the other hand, a dead faith produces works of the flesh: " 19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:19-21 Even if we are doing all of the right things and following the rules, we can still have a dead faith. We are not saved by living a certain lifestyle, we are saved by believing in Jesus Christ, choosing to follow Him, and being born again or made a new creation. Legalism (living by a set of rules in order to be saved) creates a dead faith because you are solely motivated by fear, consequences, and social pressure, which leads to surface-level change rather than true change. We are not accepted by God for following rules, we are accepted for believing in His Son. Simply believing is not enough, either, we must also do what God teaches and take action by living as He wills. Here are a few questions to know if you have a living faith: - Do you profess your faith or talk to others about Jesus? - Are you doing your best to live like Jesus, especially loving others (regardless of race, nationality, sexuality, etc.)? - Do you love Jesus? - Are you serving others and helping those in need? - Has your faith inspired true change in your heart, mind, and soul?
   

3. Many are called but few are chosen. We (the LLC) are the chosen. "For many are called but few are chosen." Matthew 22:14 There are many churches that claim they are the one, true church and you must attend their church in order to be saved but Jesus himself says that any who believe in Him will be saved. He did not say, anyone who is a member of - specific church - will be saved. The "chosen" do not belong to a specific church, they are the members that make up the body of Christ, Christians who have been born again and made a new creation. In order to fully understand what Jesus is saying here in Matthew, we must look at the entire text surrounding this verse. Jesus is speaking to the Jews, who have rejected Him, sharing the Parable of the Wedding Banquet, which goes as follows: a certain king was preparing a wedding banquet for his son, so he sent his servants to call those that were invited to the wedding. The guests did not respond to the call and would not come to the wedding feast. The king sent his servants a second time telling them to inform the guests that he has prepared the feast and all things are ready. Those who were called a second time didn't take the servants seriously and went on their way, one to their farm and another to their merchandise, and the remainder took the servants and slew them. When the king heard what had happened, he was angry and he sent his armies to destroy the murderers and burn up their city. He then said to his servants, " 8 The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy. 9 Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage." Matthew 22:8-9 So, the servants went out and gathered together as many people as they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding was full of guests. When the king came to see the guests, he noticed a man with no wedding garment. The king asked why he came without a wedding garment and the man had no response. So, the king ordered the servants to bind his hands and feet, take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, where there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Jesus' message in this parable is very clear. The wedding banquet is referring to the heavenly wedding, when Jesus comes to take his children home. The guests are those who are invited (called) to receive Jesus and the forgiveness of sins. So, the guests who ignored the servants are those who ignore the prophets that come to deliver the gospel or even those who deny Jesus. The Jews who reacted violently are those who mistreat and murder the prophets or disciples of Jesus. And the guests who were invited to the wedding banquet last were the Gentiles. The kingdom of God is open to everyone who wants to believe, not just the Jews. While the improperly dressed man who is bound and cast out by the king represents those who denied Jesus or were not ready to fully commit to believing in and following Him. God wants all men to be saved but not all men want to be saved. " 1 I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; 2 For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. 3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; 4 Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:1-4 God calls many but we have to choose to accept the call in order to be saved. That does not mean receiving the forgiveness of sins from a member of the LLC, rather it means believing in Jesus Christ and giving up your life to follow Him. Being a member of a specific church or believing a specific doctrine will not save you. Only faith in Jesus Christ will save you. God wants everyone to know the truth, the good news of Jesus Christ dying for our sins and how we can have our sins forgiven by believing in and choosing to follow Him, which will save us. But many reject the call so few are chosen and accepted by God in the end. John also shares Jesus' words, speaking about who will be saved (chosen). "And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day." John 6:40 Jesus does not say, "everyone which hath their sins forgiven by another man and attend a specific church may have everlasting life." He says, everyone who believes in Him. We don't need to make it complex, it is really quite simple. As a member of the LLC, I could never wrap my head around how such a small portion of the world's population would be saved, only members of the Laestadian Lutheran Church, and it brings me great comfort to know that is not true. We can try to put God in a box but His greatness will shine despite our efforts. We can't possibly fathom His power and glory. If you are wondering how God could possibly condemn everyone that is not a member of your church, despite them being Christian, maybe it's because you know He is greater. And what a beautiful thing that is! If you take the time to learn about the God of the Bible, you will learn that He is a loving and forgiving God, not a God that is looking for every slip-up and mistake, as I once believed. I hope one day you can see what a loving Heavenly Father we have and how answering His call can change your heart and mind, which would change your life, in profound ways.
   

These kinds of posts require extensive research and prayers. Each time I am writing, I ask for God's guidance and for Him to give me the words and put it in front of those who need it. I never want to teach others false doctrine or deceive them, I only want to speak the Truth.

Thank you for taking the time to read what God has put on my heart, I hope it helps you on your journey!